


Harry's Gift

by XxXxDarkVampirexXxX



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, M/M, Oneshot, Romance, just a touch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27381253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XxXxDarkVampirexXxX/pseuds/XxXxDarkVampirexXxX
Summary: Harry gives a birthday present. Voldemort is happy. Lucius is shocked. Death Eaters faint. Oneshot! Slash fic!
Relationships: Harry Potter/Voldemort
Comments: 17
Kudos: 378





	Harry's Gift

**Author's Note:**

> Yo! Just a short little thing I wrote a few months ago. I'd made a bit of a habit of posting something weird like this on my birthday for the past few years, but I got sick this time and then went mostly blind, and didn't get around to it. Still mostly blind, but meh. Total AU. Just for fun. Don't think too much of it.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of its characters...

"You...? What are _you_ doing here?"

Harry casually leaned back against the wall of the small, filthy prison cell he'd been locked up in just a few minutes ago. "What does it look like?"

"The Boy-Who-Lived is in prison. Why?"

"Shouldn't that be obvious? There's only one thing I could have done that would've landed _me_ in here."

"Don't toy with me, Potter. Answer the question."

Harry examined his fingernails lazily. "I killed Dumbledore, of course."

Malfoy, locked up in the cell across Harry's, stared. The Death Eaters in all the nearby cells did too.

"You're lying," said Malfoy immediately.

"Lying?" Harry repeated, cocking his head. "How would you know that? You're not getting the Daily Prophet up in here, and I can assure you, the news is all over the front page. I killed Dumbledore, Malfoy. That's why I'm in here now. Got caught, you see, not that I didn't expect to. It wasn't exactly done in...private."

Malfoy really couldn't do anything but stare for a moment. "You- _you_ killed _Dumbledore_? In _public_?" he finally said, his usual smooth voice pitched high with disbelief.

"Yeah," said Harry with a shrug, entirely unconcerned with the situation.

"I refuse." Malfoy moved forward, grabbing the bars of his cell. "I refuse to believe _you_ killed _Dumbledore_."

Harry shrugged again. "Refuse it all you want. The truth is the truth, no matter what you choose to believe."

"But...but _why_?"

"Why did I kill Dumbledore? Hmm..."

Malfoy waited impatiently for the answer. The other Death Eaters, too shocked to speak, did the same. There had to be an answer. There just _had_ to be. This couldn't have happened on a whim. There was no way. That was, if this was even true in the first place, and half of them were still debating that.

"Well," said Harry slowly, "I suppose it was...a gift."

One of the Death Eaters choked and started to cough, probably having been so shocked he'd forgotten to breathe. Another Death Eater yelled at the first one to shut up, and when they all fell silent again, it was Malfoy who spoke.

"A-a gift...? For you?"

"Of course not," said Harry with a scoff. "Why would I gift myself with something like that? That's not really something _I'd_ consider a present."

"Then...you killed Dumbledore as a-a gift for someone else?"

"Sure did," said Harry, stretching out his legs and crossing them at the ankles, still not at all bothered about the whole thing. In fact, he seemed rather bored.

"But-but _who_? Who would possibly want such a-"

"A gift, you say? Hmph, it seems I'll have to rethink your own now to match the level of this one."

Malfoy's eyes practically bugged out of his head. "My-my Lord...?"

Voldemort, walking down the corridor, paid no attention to his right-hand man (or any of his other Death Eaters, for that matter). Instead, he approached Harry's cell, his eyes locked on the young man inside. "Thank you for the gift, dear Harry."

Harry grinned, getting to his feet and stepping forward a couple of feet so he could reach the bars. "You're welcome. ...Open the door?"

Voldemort laughed. "Of course." With a flick of his wrist, the door sprang open and the Dark Lord reached out. "And you killed him In public as well? How bold of you, my dearest."

Harry stepped out of the cell and immediately brought Voldemort into an embrace. "Got kinda messy," he admitted. "Just like your dream."

"Just like my dream," Voldemort echoed, tightening his hold on Harry as he drew him in closer.

Stretching up slightly, Harry kissed Voldemort gently. "Happy birthday, lov-"

There was a thump.

Blinking, Voldemort and Harry looked over at Malfoy's cell. He'd been standing at the door, grasping the bars as he stared in shock and disbelief at the scene unfolding before him, but now he was no longer standing.

"Oh, looks like Lucius couldn't handle the truth, the poor thing."

"Harry," Voldemort chided.

"What? It's true."

There was another thump. The Death Eater in the cell next to Malfoy's fainted as well.

Harry bit the inside of his cheek. "We should probably get out of here before we make them _all_ pass out."

"Indeed we should," said Voldemort with a sigh. He waved his hand and cell door after cell door opened up, allowing freedom to all of his followers.

"C'mon!" said Harry, pulling out of Voldemort's arms and grabbing his hand instead. "There's an awesome looking cake in the fridge at home!"

"Where in the world did you get a cake from while you were locked in prison?"

"Dobby?"

"Ah. Naturally."

Hand in hand, Harry and Voldemort headed down the corridor and towards the stairs, chatting cheerfully (though Harry was the one doing most of the chatting). And despite all of the now open doors, not a single soul followed them out, every single Death Eater now laying unconscious on their cell floors.

Oh well, guess they weren't going to be getting any of that cake.

**Author's Note:**

> I always end up giving the Malfoys the short end of the stick in these little oneshots, huh? Oh well. They're so perfect for this kind of humour. Anyway, that's it. Hope you guys at least liked that. Comments? Kudos?


End file.
